As a part of the learning process, I must learn to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. Seems I am very expressive about how I feel and I think to an extent that is alright. What is not alright is for mixed signals about how I feel or interpreting them to mean something else. I am very tired of hearing about people having "theories" or "ideas" about why Jason and I split. So to those of you who have taken the responsibility on yourself to feel qualified enough to interpret our actions and decide what out motives are, please save it for your own good thought. Your thoughts and theories are not reality. And, I certainly am not interested. I know some of you are well meaning, but please don't pathologize me. I will determine what I think, feel, and will not interpret that to mean something more or something else. Thank you anyways, I have a therapist and even she does not do that.
Now the problem en lies that I do wear my heart on my sleeve. It may not seem like I take things personal because I portray strength in public. But the reality is it does affect me. I am human, I do have emotions. So to those of you who are just reading this and interpreting everything, maybe you should try calling me and hearing what I have to say. There is no drama between Jason and I until other people start creating it. We have a mutual understanding to separate. And we are very supportive of each other. Despite this, we love each other deeply and always will whether this works itself out or not. The door is not closed, but it's not exactly open either. We need to individualize ourselves and figure out what is best for the self and stop compromising that. People change, they grow in different directions. We have acknowledge this and it hurts, but it is what it is.
While I keep forgetting to take my heart off my sleeve, I also don't want to become cold. So I have decided to get involved in volunteer work, find something fulfilling to me that nurtures my spirit. I hope you want to be with me on this journey, but if you do then leave the interpretations to the qualified people (and even they are wrong at times, its all subjective!).
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I understand, its a hard balance to walk between softy with heart on your sleeve and cold *itch.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about why you choose to be so public about things if you don't want folks to respond. You've got to assume everybody's got theories - people do when big shit like this goes down. But there's a mutual sense of privacy: you only talk about it with select friends and only those friends offer their theories. I think public offerings make people feel more connected to you and encourage them to take liberties (i.e.: uninvited analysis) that they wouldn't otherwise. Does that make any sense?
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