Perfectionism.

The definition of perfectionism: the beliefs that any work output that is less than "perfect" is unacceptable. Belief that one could and should attain perfection in one or all aspects of the individuals life. In psychology, someone who has "unrealistic" ideas of perfection and engages in maladaptive behaviors in effort to obtain the unrealistic perfection. for these individuals, when the perfect self is not obtained their sense of self is affected causing poor self esteem and inferiority. For some, perfection is something they hope to obtain and the problem en-lies, it is said that "no one is perfect", but is it so bad to try to be?

Okay, so for those who know me, I am a perfectionist. I give everything into what I do and I do not feel accomplished unless it feels like it is perfect. But that is just work, school, etc. In my home life it goes further, especially now that I don't have to worry about cleaning up after someone who is not. To give you a small glimpse; I organize everything lately, make-up, clothes, books, movies, music, papers. There has got to be order to everything, or I feel chaotic. It serves a purpose. It's hygienic and it gives me a sense of control when I feel I am not. My problem is that I take it too far. It permeates self worth. So I am evaluating this a little each day and trying to find small ways to see something as not perfect in my life and try to be okay with that. However, it's not working well. The more I notice, the more I have to control it. Uhg.... Okay, so final thoughts?

I recently became aware of how dangerous my obsession with trying to be perfect became. I have EDNOS, which is mainly Anorexia, but I don't meet the BMI requirements (under 15). I have been so much better with it, but now that I have said it out in cyberland, I know others will be conscious of the issue which may reinforce accountability. Especially since I am very broke with little food in the house, which makes it even easier to restrict myself. Also, I have no one here to pester me about if I ate today or not. But you know what? I am eating! Maybe not where I should, but I am heading there. Recovery is a process, long but in the end worth it!